Draft 1
Did you know that if your tesla goes in too much water and it gets into the battery it will catch on fire? Yeah, the chemical element (lithium) makes fire when mixed with water, the lithium also has to be mined and has a negative impact on the environment and human rights. Some of the people mining for this stuff are doing it against their will, how would you feel if you had to do that. The best alternative to have less impact on climate change is hydrogen, Toyota have made the mirai which uses hydrogen to power it and when you finish it just lets out a little dribble of water out the exhaust.
We are learnig about persuasive writing . in this I used a rhetorical question and facts.
Draft 2
Teslas are awful! Did you know that if your tesla goes in too much water and it gets into the battery it will catch on fire? Yeah, the chemical element (lithium) makes fire when mixed with water, the lithium also has to be mined and has a negative impact on the environment and human rights. Some of the people mining for this stuff are doing it against their will, how would you feel if you were taken against your will to mine for some lithium. The best alternative to have less impact on climate change is hydrogen, Toyota have made the mirai which uses hydrogen to power it and when you finish it just lets out a little dribble of water out the exhaust. The only problem with hydrogen is that there are not a lot of charging stations but by the end of this year there should hopefully be enough. so if you are thinking about getting a tesla or another electric car this year you might want to consider getting a hydrogen car to take better care of our environment and have your car not catch on fire while washing or driving it.
This is my second draft, on this one I tried to make it more persuasive because the first one was almost just an opinion about what I thought. Do you think that my second draft is more persuasive?